Awww.
Can't believe I messed up my OP dry-run today because of nerves. Man, I was such a bundle of nerves I could even hear my own voice trembling as I speak. Yikes. I guess I wasn't that prepared as my other group mates where some of them actually recited and recited their part at home countless times yesterday. And what was I doing yesterday? Slacking off on the computer, whiling my time away reading my book, and having prison break marathons. I just can't get enough of that show!
Oh well, I would never make the same mistake again, at least for now. Lesson learnt. More preparations needed. How boring. argh.
Everyone complains about how project work is boring, boring, boring. Hahaha. Well, save for the stress of the OP and the assignments, I actually find the process of doing it with my group mates quite fun. Haha, maybe xizhie finds the same too cos we two seem like the only ones in the group really laughing at gary's jokes. Haha. They never fail to crack me up. Its the ultimate stress-reliever after I've finished my part on the OP.
Now back to my screwed up OP dry run. At least she said I was fluent and have clarity haha. dreg shared with me some tips on OP. No.1- look at their foreheads and not their eyes. No.2- make a joke.
Right, those tips are prolly THE tips to fail OP haha. THankfully I didn't listen to him.
Alright, here's the problem. I have trouble cutting down on my speech. From 6 minutes, I've already reduced it to 5.30 and now how to reduce it further? Yea, I can talk faster no problem. Anw, thats what xy and tracy say about me- that I talk like a bullet train to the point that no one really knows what I'm talking. And I have the end of repeating myself.
Yea, thats normal conversations. But with the stress and OP-ambience and the many pairs of eyes fixated at you, is it possible to talk as fast as I normally do? Ah well, hopefully by next week I'll keep within my time limits.
Today, while waiting for the projector to start working, our group was talking about dreams. (well, it was one of the topics)
I was telling them of the weird dreams I always have. The melancholic, eerie, dark foreboding kinds. Many times I've dreamt of my dad killing me, my siblings turning evil and I was even being stabbed before. Haha. I vividly remember myself in that dream weaving my own dream! Meaning that in my dream, I actually made a conscious effort to weave a different plot to the story such that I ended being the one stabbed. My dad threw daggers at me and I was later pierced by a dagger cos I wanted to know how it felt like to get stabbed. Haha, of course the pain was there but it wasn't as excruciating as I would have expected it to be.
Then I read somewhere on the nature of dreams such as these. I believe that dreams are reflective of the opposite of your lives right now. I may dream of deaths of family members, or gory stuff about mindless killing, my deaths and their deaths but all these would be reflective of how much I love them my family in real life.
Of course, this is subjective. I dreamt of Kalvina chan being evil once and plotting to kill me. But certainly, this doesn't mean I love her a lot right? Absurd.
Recently, I have been talking with this girl whom I've met online in the forum discussing Christianity beliefs. She's one year younger than me and we've exchanged msn to each other, sharing with each other testimonials and other stuff like songs etc. She sounds really lonely online, considering the fact that she talks to me on abrupt, random stuff like 'I went home via the mrt today. Its very boring and tiring.' And I'll be like 'erm.. ok haha (Thats weird, you're sharing this to me not that I mind any of it, I just find it peculiar for her to suddenly mention this redudant thing." Then as I began talking more and more to her, I could see the reason becoming clearer to me. She's lonely. She needs someone to talk to.
Its hard being in her shoes when I havne't really experience that much loneliness before. Talking to her made me realise one thing. That many people outside there may appear normal and leading life as happy as they are, but deep inside, they are lonely. I remember someone asking me this question before. Do you think social butterflies are lonely people by nature? She reminds me of that person, having talked to her. Someone who needs a friend, needs a listening ear and need the company of a friend who can build up her self-esteem and lighten up her day.
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