disheartened

How can one take it? The late nights, the shorthanded staff, the insurmountable piles of work, the complexity of processes... all in a short period. Before you think it is over, the cycle repeats again, for yet another month of so.

I really don't know what to do. I've been thinking about for a long time, asking God, "Why?", "Should I?", "Should I not?". I feel so defeated lately, so weak at my own willpower. I am not as joyful as before, not as tolerant as before, not as lively as before.

Today, I almost slept a little after lunch while waiting for my senior to finish eating. I was far too tired. Yet, to see how my seniors and a2 handle the job, and knowing that they have gone through so much for the past few years, makes me think, "Why can't I handle it?" What is my motivation for leaving? What is my motivation for staying?

God, you said, "I know the plans I have for you", You direct our paths, so where am I leading to? Am I leading in right direction? If so, why do I feel so disheartened?

Every night, it has been a challenge. The burdens never seem to lighten.