So do not fear, for I am with you.

There are a few burdens in my heart God made me realise in the past week. One of which is the need to be a more inclusive community, one that seeks out the lost, devotes time and effort especially to those who are left out, and those that need the love and care for. I know how it feels to be neglected, to be lost in that sea of faces. So I really emphatise with those around me who have a desire to feel a sense of belonging, to feel part of a community that cares and loves.

When my friend spoke to me the other day about how he was feeling lost in life and losing that sense of purpose, I realised how difficult it is to bring back someone who was lost to be found. I know it isn't my job, and as much as I feel helpless sometimes, it has been my prayer ever since that day he confided in me for God to rekindle that first love he used to have for Him.

When I listened to the song by Casting Crowns - "Does anybody hear her?", the strong message resonated deeply. It was a song that speaks out for the need of the church, or any community not to pass judgements and to actively look out for those who have been invisible in our midst.

Throughout life, I am thankful that I have a taste of what it felt to be part of a larger group, and yet also part of the unnoticables. Even though I am actually really used to being 'unnoticed' in a particular community of mine for many years, it doesn't really perturb me. But the fact that that particular community doesn't seem to have an attitude of 'otherness' is worrisome because it is affecting their perspectives of matters and their conduct.

After coming home from today's BS in church, I feel that I need to find myself back again. We were going through the fourth chapter of 2 Corinthians today about the light of the gospel, God's eternal glory being shine in the face of Jesus, the new covenant, the veiled glory from Moses' time and the unveiled glory now. Thank God that there were so many of us once again. Its nice that everyone of all ages are coming down to study God's word together =). I learnt a lot of things from some of the sharings, especially by Bro Wil and the other deacons. But with such a big group of people, with 3/4 of them sunday school teachers, deacons, elders etc, I cannot help but feel a sense of restraint when it comes to sharing. There were so many things I wanted to question during the session. For example, I wanted them to think about how perhaps we are 'perishing' in God's eyes and the gospel may perhaps be unveiled to us. I wanted to share about all the things I learnt in the past year through CF about the gospel being understood as the 'good news' in Luke 4, in the lenses of the Kingdom of God, and how many churches today are actually relearning the gospel they knew of. When brother Dav closed with a few words about how the gospel is actually very 'inward' and not supposed to be 'outward' like how he described today's 'methods' and 'cling-clang, cling-clang' ways of bringing forth the gospel, I was pretty alarmed at the choice of word 'inward'. Since when was the gospel meant to be inward? Didn't Jesus mention that the Kingdom of God will grow from a mustard seed? Wasn't the great commission made in the light of all other nations? We would be really be dangerously caught up in our own holy huddles if we ever surmised that the gospel was 'inward', for what may be concluded as 'inward' may end up causing us to be more individualistic and narrow-minded.

Why did I held all these thoughts back? When I walked home quickly after the session, thoughts whirled across my mind. I was frustrated at my very own lack of courage. It was fear. In a BS with so many church elders and deacons there, to question the need to relook at the gospel would be a very bold thing to do. To be honest, I didn't want to 'shake the tree', to even cast doubts in their minds about something they hold strongly to. What if they think my understanding of the gospel is wrong and they prevent me from serving as a sunday school teacher? Who would serve and teach these kids then?

Even if I don't see change happening so quickly in my church, it is nothing to lose hope for. We got to wait on the Lord, be humble, and continue to Honour God with the way we lead our lives, submitting under His Lordship and walking even more closely to Him so that His will be made perfect in our lives, in church, in society.

There was so much uncertainties and fears in me, holding me back of my sharing. Proverbs talks about how we need to be a 'voice of the voiceless" and I know I shouldn't quench the work of the Holy Spirit working in me. What I need to to seriously is to find back that courage and spontaneity within me again. He gave me the courage to face my fears of leading a group as a cgl back in university. He made the seemingly impossible, possible. When I reminisced some of the bible study session we had back then, especially the tongues one, I thank God for the courage during those time. If I were to go back now and redo it again, I'm not even sure I'd be the same person leading that BS. Where art thou, Courage?

I need to find you back.

Lord, help me to cast my anxieties at your feet, because I know that you are a God who cares and hears our prayers. May the fears I have be unfounded, and may you direct my path in doing what is pleasing and acceptable in Your eyes. I pray for courage in my relations with others, and to the people I love and care about. I pray that we can be your prophetic community, one that is hermeneutic, willing to challenge boundaries/norms and one that brings glory to You alone. Convict us, in society, wherever we are, in whatever we do, of our sins and help us to be a more inclusive community in the context that we live in today. Thank you Father, that you have given me ample time this holiday to reflect on your word, to spend time with loved ones, and you've given me opportunities to care and love others. I wish I could do more to manifest your Greatness to the people around me. Thank you for giving me such a loving family, friends from all walks of life, the friendships I have treasured and have yet to treasure more, as well as answering our prayers when we prayed that you could raise up willing leaders in our cg. Thank you for being our great almighty God. In Jesus name, the name above all names, Amen.

"So do not fear, for I am with you. Do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strength you and help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." - Isaiah 41:10

Hmm, rereading the words above in my desktop background seems to resonate more meaning today =)